How Do You Actively Listen?

When you listen, you make a person feel important and appreciated.   If you listen to what people are saying, they feel respected and that their thoughts are valued.  Ordinary relationships emerge from effective communication.  We build relationships when we voice out our concerns effectively and listen well at the same time.  

The same is true with couples.  Intimacy lingers when there is great communication.  In business, a lot of money and valuable time is saved when words are delivered with care and prevent any misunderstanding on both parties.  This is often taken for granted but it is actually in listening that we learn more than when we talk. 

Remember the golden rule? It’s almost as definitely true in communication.  Listen to others how you would like others to listen to you.  The better we listen, the more we mature socially and emotionally.   You don’t have to be a psychology major to actively listen.  You can start this by following these simple steps to effectively and actively listen.   You may be doing some of the items mentioned here but subconsciously disregarding them with your very busy life.  It is best to not only consider what the other speaker is talking about but how he would feel if you show your concern and let him know you understand.

Face the person talking.  Your body language will tell if you are attentive.

Keep an eye contact.  Be sure that you do this with careful intent and not make the other person uncomfortable.

Take away external and internal distractions.  Turn off music or television.  Put down whatever you are reading and tell others to do the same.  If you have your own ideas or thoughts humming inside your head, let them all go. Give the limelight to the speaker and not you.

Respond.  You can nod or simply murmur a few ‘ah-huh’ and ‘ah-hums’ to show that you agree or understand what the speaker is trying to point out.  You can raise your eyebrow and mention a few words such as “Okay,” “I see,” or “Definitely.”  You can also ask follow-up questions such as “Then what happened?” or “What did you do next?”

Focus on what the other person is saying.  Do not think about what you are about to say next.  Your conversation will flow naturally after you’ve heard what the speaker is trying to point out.  

Be open-minded.  Wait for the other person to finish the whole story before you jump into conclusion.    

Wait for the speaker to seek for an advice.  Unless prompted with the question, never let the person know how you handled the same issue.  Let the person talk and soon this will lead to their own conclusion.  

Listen to the complaint before you defend your side.  This will make the other person feel they have made their point and that you understood.  Sort your ideas and your decision regarding the matter while listening without interrupting.  You will find it easier to resolve any issues when you listen first.

As you listen intently there could be an awkward silence at times.  Do not panic.  Use the time to settle your ideas and then speak when you have organized your thoughts.  It seems odd to some but the more you listen, the better you communicate.  You may have listened to a person for 30 minutes and only said a few words in return, but you’ll find the issue is fixed and problem is resolved in a mutual way.  




By: Cleo Capili